I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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