he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
