Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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