why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
