I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
