so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
