i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
