i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
