i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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