You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
