so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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