I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
