Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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