Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
