Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
