We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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