i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
