Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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