why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
