I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
