Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
