He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
