Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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