Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
