ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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