it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
