Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
