I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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