someone threw a dead crab at me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
