I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
