i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
