I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
