cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
