Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
