also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
