Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
