I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
