On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize