It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
