At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We talked him into tasing himself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
