My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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