I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
