My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
