smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
