i barfeds in our rink
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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