just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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