john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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