let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
