Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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