She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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