there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
