yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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