well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
