Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
