Welp...herpes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
