you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
