if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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