I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
