the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
