if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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