Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We left the knife in your bed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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