This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize