Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
