maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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