Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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