I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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