I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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