dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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