I smell stomach acid.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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